A girl looking in the mirror trying out 5 different make up foundations she bought from the mall last evening. All claim to be full coverage. She tried each on her right cheek where she has blemishes left behind from the pimples that have healed. All four foundations were in vain. The fifth concealed 90 percent of the blemishes. She reached out for her high-end concealer. Perfect! She could now have a picture-perfect face and upload her pictures on Instagram and of course there are filters…. just that we need more filters, filters for better mental health.
Looking attractive is an ancient need. Jewellery and make up have even been found in sites of excavations. We all want to look good… perfect rather, because how others perceive us matters a lot to us. We naturally seek validation, approval and acceptance. Unfortunately, society has a lot of shaming going on, not rectified, not stopped, not considered abusive! From body shaming,
“Oh your arms are as though you have just delivered”, “Your tummy looks like you are pregnant”, ” You have developed pimples,”
“Oh you also have scars from them”, “You have dandruff” “Oh my God you have eczema, what is that!”, “Psoriasis?”, “Goodness vitiligo”….the list is endless. Many who pass these comments are just doing it as a habit they have acquired while growing up. Please unlearn them. Sometimes people derive some mean pleasure in highlighting something they consider a weakness and doing that gives an unhealthy boost to their self-esteem.
We need to educate people to be sensitive and sensible. People who are bearing the brunt of these unhealthy habits of shaming, I hear you, I feel you. Such experiences, can destroy a person’s confidence and self-esteem. It can just add more fuel to fire, in an already overwhelming struggle of battling body image and skin issues. You are not a spoilt sport or way too sensitive as you may have been told.
It hurts , it’s not right,period.
Seek help, talk to sensitive relatives or friends, who try to understand what you’re going through. It is in no way an easy task to navigate a day through people who pass such harsh comments on you. Seek the help of mental health professionals, they would know best how to make you more resilient to these mean environments, teach you to create boundaries, and how to overcome related stresses.
The idea of perfection itself is unhealthy. The idea of having poreless, non human, skin, of not having one’s body change through years of a life that experiences a plethora of events, physical, emotional and mental is absurd. Diseases exist and we have treatments to get them under control. We are just human beings. Each one of us is perfectly, ordinarily, beautiful.
By,
Mallika S. Iyer
Counselling Psychologist
